Lately, my relationship with my boyfriend has deteriorated, and is likely past the point of possibly being saved. I haven't given my best effort to anything at all in the past few months. I've spent them in a constant state of anxiety, afraid of what I'd do 'wrong' next. Nothing I do at this point seems to be good enough in his eyes.
In the beginning, things were great, but I see now, that maybe they were too good to be true. I admired this man, who had absolute stability in his life - and when I began to fall for him, I hoped he would offer me the same. About a year and a half into our relationship, his past caught up to him. After being divorced for over six years, his ex-wife began a battle - an outright war against his sanity - using his children as the soldiers. We have lived in constant emotional torture and that turmoil has changed him...
He insists that he is the same person he was when I met him. He's not... And here is the thing: we are not married. He never made the commitment to me, the "for better or for worse" - something I secretly wished for and wanted so badly with him. I never pressured him - never even brought it up too directly - because what we had was enough.
But its different now, and after seeing him change so much in the past year and a half, after I have hurt with him and suffered the emotional pain of losing his children right beside him, I feel heartbroken. I tried my best to weather this storm, but when the person you live with and love won't make an honest commitment to be with you forever - am I being fair to myself, to keep living with someone who has become a stranger?
I often write in guided journals when I am upset or stressed out about life. Tonight I opened my journal to this question - "What's the greatest lesson you've learned about love?"
Here's what I wrote...
I created this post because I try to begin each day with a positive thought. And some days, we all just need some inspiration. Always know that you are capable, and brave, and significant - you matter - even when it feels like you don't. Remember to be gentle with yourself, because you are doing the best you can.
The following activity is great way to improve your overall mindset (and something I do, too). Get a monthly calendar, or print one from an online template (Microsoft Office has options, or you can just Google "monthly calendar"). Each day, write down something positive. Something that goes well or makes you happy, or a quote you read that you'd like to remember, a kind word from a friend... anything goes. Make a habit of finding something positive each day - even when it feels like nothing is going right - and your whole mindset will begin to shift. Try it for one month and see how it goes. I'd love to hear about your experiences with this!
We all know the hard truth - life is totally unfair. Sometimes, it feels like one thing after another. It takes a toll on a person's mind and body when bad things keep happening, especially when they are all coming at once. It can seem totally unmanageable, especially if you feel like you don't have any control over the situation. Negative stress affects each individual in different ways; for example, some people can't sleep, others sleep too much; some people lose their appetite, others binge on junk food. Some people lose their motivation. Some people become depressed. And some people take life's challenges as opportunities - open doors for change, for personal growth, to develop new skills, or to meet new people.
Some things in life are out of your control. But your mindset - and most importantly, your reactions - are within your control.
Only you can change how you handle difficult situations, and the goal is to manage stress in a way that will produce a more favorable (or sometimes, just less awful) outcome in the end. Try to see the positive in every situation, and handle life's tougher challenges with compassion, grace, and character. Hardships, losses, even failures are the building blocks of compassion and kindness.
Bad things will happen to good people - this is life. Choose how you respond. It's your life.
Do you struggle – as many women do – with feeling inadequate in some area of your life? Do you feel like no matter what you do or try, you are just not "good enough"? What if you could have the confidence to accept yourself as you are?
To know your value as a human in this crazy world is sometimes hard. We are bombarded daily with mindless assaults to our self-worth in the form of social media sharing (i.e.: Who has the best outfit at brunch? Who attended the biggest party last night? Who has the most friends/followers/likes?...)
Why do we do this to ourselves?
I deleted my first Facebook account (with only a few minimal, short-lived re-entrances since) after it was changed from a site where you had to have a valid university email address to a site for anyone with access to the internet (and his or her pets, children, vehicles…). I felt that every time I used the account, it was this superficial game of “who is better” – and I didn’t want any part of it. I believe it wears on a person’s self-esteem, and it affect anyone’s ability to truly create and cultivate genuine friendships - and be happy for others! - when you constantly feel inadequate. Who wants to spend their whole life being compared to everyone they know (and lots of people they'll never know) in an unrealistic, virtual version of “keeping-up-with-the-Jones’”?
If you have been feeling like you need a serious confidence re-boost to empower you, or even just thinking about some minor changes you'd like to make, now is the time to do it. You have the potential to be everything you dream of. As your coach, here’s what I can (and can't) do to help you realize your goals:
Inner peace, confidence, happiness – these are your rights. If you feel they are elusive, it might be worth exploring what could be different, so these rights become obtainable.
I offer a free one-hour consultation, in which we will talk about your current circumstances, what has led you to this point, and your overall goals if we decide to work together. If after we’ve talked you are interested in becoming a client, we will discuss the different session packages. (Feel free to get a head start and look at what I’m currently offering on my services page). Remember, whatever "best" means to you... you deserve the best from life.